


under the summer sky, we once were

by tsunderegirl99



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-11
Updated: 2016-06-11
Packaged: 2018-07-14 09:30:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7165649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tsunderegirl99/pseuds/tsunderegirl99
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which, Killua is shown all the lives he and Gon could live and he ends up choosing the same one anyway, for better or for worse.</p>
<p>Warning : A little yaoi, love between two boys, if you don't like don't read.</p>
<p>Also, spoiler alert?</p>
            </blockquote>





	under the summer sky, we once were

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Hunter x Hunter and its characters.
> 
> Hey guys, I am finally back after keeping this account dormant for over two years and I am really sorry for all those comments which I haven't replied to yet. In the meanwhile, I graduated school and started college xD. 
> 
> I hope you like this, because what better way to come back to the world of fanfiction than coming back with our favourite two Hunters?
> 
> So a little yaoi, don't like, don't read.
> 
> Enjoy.

It starts like this.

"My name is Gon," says the boy, smiling from ear and Killua thinks he looks funny and interesting at the same time.

"..Killua," he replies, a little carefully because he is cautious when it comes to other people, he has been taught to be careful for as long as he can remember and even though a boy with crazy hair and a questionable taste in clothes doesn't seem particularly dangerous, one can never be too sure.

The boy grins like this is the best thing he has ever heard and then he says something or Killua says something, and before he knows it the two of them are running together, laughing loudly and when the first burst of cool air hits both of their cheeks, Gon is far from just a strange boy who is his age.

They go a long way from there and there are monsters and villains, both in front of them and within them and they find ways to get through it all, together and though Killua is far from unrealistic, he just forgets that one of them has to leave eventually, that things can't forever be this way and when reality decides to remind him of what he had always believed before this, it hits him hard and he is left to pick up the pieces only to realise that they aren't there in the first place, that Gon has taken each part, that Killua has willingly slipped each part in his pocket over time and now when Gon walks away, he takes, he takes and he takes, just like every other time.

In the end, he learns that it was the boy with crazy hair and the questionable taste in clothes that he had to be cautious of.

He learns, but it's too late to do anything about it.

* * * *  
It ends like this.

They both walk away.

"We will always be friends," Gon says, with the same smile as back then but it feels like a hollow lie.

Killua plays along.

"Yeah," he smiles. 

They both say it quietly, "See you again."

And Gon turns away and Killua does to but he wants nothing more than to turn around, to beg, to plead and ask where things went wrong and what can he do to fix this, he'll do anything, just fix this, please, fix this? But he can't. Because he knows Gon will listen. Because this is his decision, not Gon's.

Even so, he almost turns.

It feels like he can hear every single word they ever said to each other, playing over and over in his head, trying to pinpoint the moment when the first domino fell, when this ripple effect began, when the first crack was made , which eventually brought the whole thing down. 

Alluka pulls at his hand and she unknowingly pulls him back to safety.

Killua turns to look at her, to reassure, to assure, to smile and suddenly he is looking into an abyss.

"I'll show you," whispers a voice.

And suddenly, he sees.

* * 

They both walk away.

But maybe somewhere, that's not how it goes at all.

**

In the first life, the world doesn't have the kind of magic that Killua is used to.

In the first life, Killua is the quiet kid in the class, who usually sits on the last seat. His family history isn't disturbing, but he has parents who expect a lot , annoying siblings and a particular older brother who maybe doesn't ever stop being psychotic no matter which lifetime. He doesn't talk much and days get by just fine.

Gon isn't the guy who wants to find his dad and has extraordinary skills. He is the nice guy on the soccer team who is always smiling, always laughing. He is everything Killua is not just as Killua is everything Gon maybe won't ever want to be. He still wears his heart on his sleeve and has a little bit of kindness to offer to anyone who might pass his way.

Some things don't change.

Killua manages to pass two years before he even talks to this boy, but then during the senior year, Gon becomes the boy who sits behind him all of a sudden and even so Killua is going around fine and he doesn't want to change anything but then one evening Gon and him are stuck behind on classroom duty and he is doing his work silently when Gon turns around and says, "So, you don't talk much, eh, Killua?"

And Killua blinks.

And really that is when everything starts. Suddenly all of Killua's breaks are filled with getting into food fights with Gon and all of his time in class now means trying to stop his laughter when Gon does something silly. Gon seems to have decided that the two of them are meant to be friends, and Killua does his best to seem sceptical but just two days with Gon are enough for him to forget what it was that he doubted.

Before he knows it, his mornings consist of trying to collect his thoughts to the soundtrack of Gon's insistent chattering and suddenly he starts bringing home Gon's stuff by accident because he doesn't know how to tell the difference anymore and everything happens too fast and maybe they are too young and free and they have too much time on their hands, but with Gon he feels more alive then he has every felt in the fifteen years of his life, feels his heart beating so insistently in his chest as if to remind him that he is, he is, just is. Maybe Gon teaches him how to climb trees and Killua teaches him how to sneak into the best spots during lunch and the feeling of blood gushing through his veins becomes second nature to him when Gon is around.

And then it happens, the inevitable, of getting so used to Gon that maybe one day when they are sitting together watching the fireworks, or tickling each other or maybe even just laughing loudly and shamelessly at each other, that Killua turns and looks at Gon and really looks at him and Gon looks back and something passes between them and Killua is left to ponder how he missed this, how he ever misunderstood this feeling for anything else and something in the way Gon tenses makes him think that the other boy is also wondering about the same.

And maybe one day they are sitting together in class and one of their friends just turns around and muses, "You two are pretty close, huh?" And it doesn't really mean anything, it shouldn't, but it makes them stop and think, and it reminds him of the night long ago when he first realised this, of everything before this and that day on the way home he can feel Gon's eyes on him.

"So I guess we should just do this, huh?" Gon says and before Killua can ask him what Gon is leaning toward him or maybe it's Killua gravitating towards him, but then they are kissing finally, finally and finally.

And it's not really a happy ending, because even if the magic isn't there anymore, the monsters are still the same, if not worse, but it works, it's tough but at the end of the day, they make it work.

And that's what matters.

* * *  
But maybe that's not how it ends at all.

* * *

In another life, maybe they don't meet when it matters. There's no Gon to tug him towards the light and Killua graduates as the quiet and smart guy who sits at the back of the class.

Killua never learns how to fish because there's no one to teach him and he never wakes up with his hair tied up in tight knots, a grin the first thing his half asleep eyes register.

And maybe because there is no Gon to save him, he ends up giving in to his demons. Maybe this lifetime is more like his own in more ways then one. Maybe he falls deeper and deeper and makes a mess out of his life and falls in the with the wrong people and does the wrong things.

He keeps expecting for someone to stop him, to scold him, to maybe save him but no one comes.

And maybe it comes to bite back at him later, when he is far too in to do anything about it and he can feel the darkness crawling in. Maybe he is in the middle of busy street, when he is lead into that alley and he has heard of these things happening to so many people but he has never thought he would be one of them.

The man stabs him twice and he tries to put up a fight but it is of no use. 

It is when every breath is painful and life seems to be slipping away, yet time somehow seems endless that he sees the boy. He first hears the footsteps and then there is someone crouching over him, looking at him in confusion which then changes to horror, as they try to shake him, to bring him back. 

"Excuse me," the boy maybe says, Killua isn't sure, he can't hear clearly anymore. Every sound brings pain. "Are you okay? Why are you leaning against the wall like that, oh my god, is that blood, Mito-san, this person seems to be bleeding-" Killua doesn't hear the rest because suddenly the light blinks out once, then twice and he knows what this is.

He slides down to ground and the boy makes a panicked sound and it hurts, it hurts, everything hurts, because he is going to have to go, he is going to leave and he hasn't even- hasn't even what? That he doesn't know, but suddenly he is filled with regret and there are memories in his head, to blur to make out, but they are there, of laughter and tears and feelings he doesn't remember and he feels sorry for this boy who has to find him like this, but he never feels sorry for himself.

The boy is rubbing his head slowly, telling him that help is on its way but Killua manages to open his eyes a little and say, "Thank you." And then it all goes down and the last thing he remembers is the tint of gold in the boy's eyes.

And then it's over, just like that.

* * *

But maybe there's another world.

* * *

In this world, Gon is the boy next door and they grow up together. Gon pushes him in the pool when he's five and Killua sticks bubblegum in his hair the next year. His parents get along okay and in this life he only has a sister. Gon has a father who is an archaeologist and a mother who's always overseas, but his smile never diminishes no matter what kind of world they are born in.

In this life, they both date girls and they both give other people a chance, trying to deny, but then get jealous when the other person does so. Killua goes out with Palm when Gon announces that he has a date for the school dance, but then is shocked when Gon walks in with a boy with yellow hair and scarlet eyes. Gon manages to hide his eye rolls and his exasperation when Killua insists on telling him how good the date with the red head from last week was and he is going on and on when Gon just swings down from the monkey bars he is hanging on and gives him a peck on the cheek and that stops Killua, making stand there with his mouth open and God forbid, a blush on his cheeks.

In this life, maybe Gon is more like himself , because he is selfish and he always runs ahead and does what he wants to do and then Killua is left to feel the brunt of things and sometimes it works to be with someone so impulsive but sometimes it's tiresome, because you are left wondering what will happen and how you figure into the things which go through hiss mind.

In this life, Gon is maybe more like himself, because he has a dreams and stars in his eyes and he wants to roam the world, go overseas and see every amazing thing in this world but Killua thinks that if he has to see the most extraordinary thing, he just has to look into a mirror because for the life of him, Gon never stops to take his breath away, to surprise him, to shock him, to make him feel like he is holding something so alive that it can slip through his fingers anytime.

Maybe that is why it does.

Maybe there's rumours of terrible incidents in town, of people being hurt , getting beat up in narrow alleys. Maybe everyone knows who is responsible and yet nothing changes. One day their friend Kite who is a trainee police officer is walking them home and they wave him goodbye from the corner of the block before they go separate ways but the next day they learn that he never made it home, that he is now in the hospital instead, because he was one of the victims.

Gon spends days beside Kite and Killua sees less and less of him until he hears the phone ring and Mito-san's panicked voice say that Gon never came home last night and then Killua is running around town fearing the worst , when he finds Gon with ones who were responsible for Kite's condition, because there was a commotion and Killua barely makes it to the alley just to see all three of them down and Gon barely standing, his hair a mess, his face an even worse mess and his eyes tired of everything. Killua stares because suddenly he realises that this person in front of him is a stranger he can barely recognise and how, how has this happened. There's blood on Gon's hands and it's not his own and Gon looks at it and then at him, suddenly scared but then the sirens are in and Gon is taken in too, because it was the wrong way to do the right thing.

When Killua makes it to his side, beside the hospital bed, Gon looks at him with tired eyes again and Killua wants to shake him, to scream, to force all that impulse out of him till it's gone and they don't have to go through these things anymore.

Killua tells him this in a mild manner but then Gon is looking at him, furious at him and the words are out before either of them know what has happened, "Of course you don't care. Weren't you almost like them back then?" And then Gon is slapping a hand over his own mouth apologising but Killua has heard it and it hurts because Gon saved him, he fucking saved him and he has no right to hold it over his head like that. 

Maybe Gon breaks his promise of travelling the world together and decides to go alone because that would be better for them and he decides it alone and Killua has no say in this and maybe Killua never goes to see him off at the airport, he just says home, curled up, his sister whispering soothing words to calm him.

And both of them try to write to each other, but between them, they don't know how to be just friends because they have always been so much more and then it's stops and then the two are too stubborn to continue.

Maybe they let it pass away.

And Gon becomes someone, goes places like Killua always knew he would and Killua stays at home, trying to use the strength that Gon has given him and put it to better use.

And maybe one day, someone comes knocking on the door in the middle of the night and there's Gon standing with bags in his hands and he is on his knees apologising before Killua can say anything , saying sorry for everything, he didn't mean, will Killua please take him in, another chance, just another chance.

And Killua tries to seem neutral but he can never be when it comes to Gon and just every other time, he gives in.

Maybe they catch it in time.

* * *  
Maybe they get another chance.

* * *

Maybe in another life, Killua is used to looking at Gon from far away, and accepting that it is never going to work out. 

Maybe they get along very well and Killua can feel the thunder evolving between the two of them as the days pass.

Maybe he ignores the longing looks Gon sends his way or misses them completely. 

Maybe one day , when the two of them are watching the stars together, Gon turns to him and delicately wraps his fingers around his wrist and says, "What do you want us to be?"

And maybe that is the moment when Killua sees- (the two of them finally quit being stubborn and his days are filled with even more Gon then ever. He has the courage to pull Gon forward and kiss him and tell him exactly what he thinks of him. Gon brings him chocolate on every date and Killua becomes used to Mito-san's constant nagging. Maybe there's suddenly his own toothbrush beside Gon's and he wakes up to Gon's rambling in his sleep in the middle of the night. Maybe they get into terrible fights but they make up each time. And it's amazing and they are happy and they make it and this is exactly what Killua has wanted.), he sees everything before he decides, sees the other side too - (And maybe it works out but Killua is always afraid of Gon slipping away. Maybe he starts waking up to an empty bed instead of a rambling partner and he can see Gon pacing around the bedroom. Maybe their fights are even more terrible and maybe they both say things they don't mean and apologise but they never forget what's said. And there are dark circles underneath Gon's eyes and it could be Kite, it could be another monster, it could be anything, but there will always be something. Gon isn't meant to stay still in one place at a time. Maybe Killua becomes used to Gon staring at the stars and then looking over his shoulder once in a while to make sure Killua is there. And when night comes, Gon will always slink away, unnoticed but noticed and Killua will be be back to wondering again) - and then he blinks once.

"Best friends," he chokes out, making his choice, choosing the easier way out, choosing not to be, knowing it'll never work and catches the surprise yet the understanding on Gon's face when he closes the door.

Maybe Killua never gives them a chance.

And maybe years late he is there in the church he and Gon went to as a kid, sitting in the very seats where Gon and him used to try to make the other laugh during prayer and he always won because Gon never learnt how to do anything quietly and Gon is here, he stands at the end of it, under the shades which have been put up, but he isn't looking at Killua, he is looking at the girl in white and around him Killua can hear people talk about how much the bride and groom love each other, how they met, how they were meant to be.

And then Gon says," I do." Killua's heart clenches because for one moment, Gon is looking at him, looking past the girl, and Killua holds his gaze, just for a moment, and thinks back to when once upon a time, Gon would have said those words to him. 

And then Gon looks away and Killua realises that this time, the door has been locked from the other side, that Gon was waiting for him to open his all this time.

He smiles and claps and he is happy but he can't help it when the tear slides down his face.

He doesn't stay for the rest of the wedding.

* * *

And there's another.

* * *

Maybe in this one Gon remembers all those lives and he is the one who drags Killua in. Maybe he is adamant on doing things the right way. 

And maybe it becomes terrible because they aren't those people anymore and Gon seems to belong more to the Killua of the past then the Killua of present and knowing what will go wrong only makes this worse, because Killua doesn't want to know what went wrong in the other lives, because it only means being more afraid.

Maybe that is why, in this world, he leaves in the middle of the night, a note beside Gon's head.

Maybe they meet years later when they both have kids and when Killua asks Gon how he is doing Gon says okay and Killua says okay too and then they just stare at each other.

"Did this happen before too?" Killua asks him eventually.

There's a pause.

"I don't know," Gon says and really that is best answer.

They walk home making small talk and though it isn't the ending Killua pictured it's definitely not the wrong one.

* * *

And another.

* * *

In this life, they are parallel to each other and they don't ever cross paths. Or maybe they do and pass the other person on the street or in the market but nothing makes them turn around and look, the way it is shown in the movies.

He doesn't know why he looks at the sea with wistful eyes and doesn't know why he always meant to learn fishing but never got around to it 

They never intersect.

He doesn't know what he is missing but he knows that something is missing. He gets used to the empty space and learns to live with it. He never knows how things could have been better.

It is the opposite of the previous ones because he can't remember a single thing.

And then one day, he is in the supermarket with Alluka and he is panicking because he seems to have lost sight of her when he he hears a particularly loud laugh from around the corner and he doesn't know why but he is curious, so he takes a step just to see, but before he can take a good look, Alluka is calling him from behind and in his relief he forgets what he was going to do and turns around.

He doesn't notice that the space has been filled momentarily, because it is empty again when he checks it.

He doesn't know what he is walking away from, doesn't know what is around the corner, never gets a proper look at the boy with the messy hair and the loud laugh, doesn't know how amazing he is, doesn't know what they have been and what they could be. 

The last thought he casts in his direction is that, huh, that person looked his age.

And they pass, not realising they have passed.

* * *  
And alas.

* * *

Maybe the last one is in their world. Maybe he never gives the Hunter Exam until it's too late. Maybe he hears about Gon, the famous son of Ging Freecs, who is famous Hunter.

Maybe he is also known as the terrifying son of the Zoldyck family, now that he has finally mastered pulling hearts without spilling a drop of blood. 

Maybe he gives the Hunter Exam out of curiosity later on and defeats everyone in the second round. Maybe Gon, who is the examiner, finds him amongst the ruins later on, and Killua waits for the horror to come on his face but he only lets out a surprised laugh and says, "Impressive. We were told about you, but I don't think they anticipated this outcome. Come with me. You have a sweet tooth, don't you? So, tell me, not a drop of blood, eh?" And Killua walks after him, snickering quietly in surprise.

And they have amazing adventures and they're just them and Gon takes him to meet his father eventually and Killua listens to his accounts, entranced and then Killua returns the favour, only to find that Gon finds his family amusing instead of terrifying.

And maybe Killua is insecure at times and Gon is too impulsive at times, but they balance each other and they stick together through it all.

And that's how it is every time. 

* * *  
When the last scene fades away, Killua can feel that his thoughts are strangely quiet and calm.

"You could choose," Nanika whispers in his ear. "You could choose or you could come back."

And Killua thinks of all the Killuas before him, of all lives where they make it work and all lives where he or Gon throws away their chance and he thinks of this life where thinks have taken a turn for the worse and thinks of choosing a good path or choosing a path where he never meets Gon, so it doesn't hurt, where he never knows what shattering feels like but then he never knows what living feels like either.

He thinks of Gon who makes him laugh, who makes him cry, makes him want to pull out his hair at time and he thinks of hope and despair and strength and weakness and friendship and love and friendship of the kind that always sticks around.

It's not much of a choice.

He thinks of the Gon he will want to meet anyway no matter how much it hurts, because he is stupid, because once he has known what friendship of this kind feels, how it feels to be consumed, to dive in, he doesn't really want to give it up.

And he was a skilled assassin and is a Hunter. Give him some credit, he can make it through.

He takes a deep breath.

"I choose," he says.

And he open his eyes.

* * *

And maybe years later, they meet again and when Killua is tired of throwing punches, he lets Gon hug him, let's him apologise and then they both burst out laughing and that is when Killua tells him about all those lives.

Gon only smiles. He doesn't look ruffled.

Killua points it out.

"But Killua," Gon says. "It's not a surprise, is it? I mean no matter what lifetime we are in, I would find you, over and over again and I would choose you."

And Killua stares.

Out of the corner of the eye, he sees Alluka wink at him and make a kissy face.

He rolls his eyes.

Well, that is a thought for another day.

Definetly not another lifetime though.

"Idiot," he says, but he means something else entirely, he means, I missed you, I love you, idiot, idiot, idiot and he knows Gon understands.

Maybe soon, now that he thinks about it.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

> So I hope it worked because if not, I am sorry, I might have lost my touch a little but I'll get a grip soon.
> 
> I hope you smiled and cried while reading this so I know I am not the only one.
> 
> See you guys soon and I will reply to those comments too.
> 
> Bye :)


End file.
